


Supernatural fan fiction I just wrote while I was definitely not high

by high_functioning_tardis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 15:18:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2472929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/high_functioning_tardis/pseuds/high_functioning_tardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>please don't tell my mom</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There once was a man named Dean Winchester. He was so beautiful and all the ladies and men loved him. His eyes were grean like wild grass and he smelled like camomille. He was enchanced by only one. Castiel. An angle of the lord who had eyes so blue even the sea cried in jealously.

Dean did everything he could to catch castiel’s attention. He would buy him flowers then throwthem at him when he wasn’t looking. Dean would laugh then cas would laugh then everyone would laugh it was such a fun time. Sometimes though he would sneak money into cas’s pockets when he wan;t paying attentnion. It was soooo funny cas thought it as the silliest thing ever plus he had enough money to buy those whopper burgers he loved so much. Cas loved burgers. 

Then one day when Sam was on some hunting trip hunting who knows what Cas and Dean were alone and only then did they realize their true feelings for one another. The two quickly collided lips and made out with each other making extremely obscene noises. Then Dean is like HEY CAS U SHOULD SEX ME UP and Cas is like hell yeah so he takes out his willis BUT THEN Deean is like whoa no I’m hungry so he leaves Cas then Cas decides to kill himself in the name of god for the good of Dean because truly in the end they realized that being together would only make it worsebUtT ITS NOT TRUE BECAUSE IF THEY DECIDED TO STAY TOGETHER THEY WOULD ACUALLY BE THE BEST FRIGGIN COUPLE EVER THE ANGEL WHO FELL FROM THE EARTH FOR A MAN AND A MAN WHO DIED FOR AN ANGEL MEETING UP AGAIN AFTER DYING FOR EACH OTHER SO MANY TIMES IF THAT ISN’T TRUE LOVE THEN I MUST BE A WALRUS. DeSTIEL IS REAL FOREVER AND ALWAYS. I JUST ATE A WHOLE CAN OF PRINGLES GOD DAMMIT NINA THIS IS WHY THE FRESHMAN FIFTEEN IS A THING. ITS THREE IN THE MORNING GET A LIFE AND GET SOME MORE PRINGLES TOMORROW MORNING THANK YOUL. HAVE YOU GUYS READ TWIST AND SHOUT THAT SHIT RUINED MY LIFE. “I CAN DIG ELVIS” NO YOU CAN DIG SHIT.


	2. Oops I did it again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mom I'm so sorry

I am ata party there are a lot of people and glowsticks ooh god cops are here walkint home now i'm gonna talk about sam and dean now wait no i meant cas and dean lol hahahahhaha weincest ew nooooooooo gross. anyway about cas and dean theyre kinda meant for each other like holy shit the texuAl tension is like whoa wtf how is not obvious those are love facecs you can see the love anywah in this fanfiction they are both in the hospital cuz they sprained their ankles "holy shit my ankle hurts"  
Says dean "lol yes no shit" says castiel lol is dean an idiot hahaha no dean is lovely and special anyway i think i have toccarry my friend home jk she doesnt wanna be carried im gonna fall since im texting and walking this should be illegal anyway cas and dean are in the josptial right and theyre in pain right and they dont wanna feel pain so they decide to make out imstead and its hot and wet and steamy and oh damn itslike whoa someones light is flashing in a window is everything ok do i need to exorcise someone anyway i hate geese. So much. What the fuck like why do they exist. No fucking reason. Whst the fuck.! gtg my friends crying

k nina's back in the HOUUUSEE whaddup home dawgs i gotta go check on my my girl oops she needs alone time nvm i think i'm gonna get a calzone holy shit that sounds fantastic right now inran into a walll anyway while dean and cas were slobering on each other they realized they loved each other it was steaming fucking love and i'm waiting outside my friends room and i'm waiting to get a calzone and she's talking to her roommate dude I NEED MY CALZONE i love cheese who don't love cheese i know for a fact i'm gonna regret this tomorrow am i right nina YES. Ok so i hate how after a party everyone seems in a horrible mood like shit i feel good destiel is wonderful life is great fuck people in bad moods wati no dont they arent worth it what am i doing this is so stupud i'm mess

I'm back i wanted to get food but we gotta wait for my friend to feel better these kids next door are playing video games wtf its 1'am chill out jk i shouldnt be talking when i read teen wolf slash in the flesh fanfiction til 3 am WERE GETTING CALZONE NOW WOOOOOOOOO UM SOCEXCITEDDDD 

I just ate a whole back of skittles OOOOOOOPSIES lol anyway back to destiel have you seen the eye sex between then like wtf man its like make out already i feel like i've sAid thT five times I GOT SKITTLES i really want a calzone tho they shut down kitchen an hour ago i had to get a sandwish bye gonna eat

Alright back to what I was talking about. Cas and dean. When do I not tlk about cas and dean. They are soulmates. I just love them so much. But anyway they’re dying in the hospital right making out and slobebering that they decide to chop of their heads together cause neither of them wanted to have to live without each other it was sososoosososo sad I am crying right now not really but on the inside I’m crying I gt skittles oh fuck did I burn my hair tonight I think I did dude can you imagine if dean and cas were sent into an alternate universe where they got married and adopted children then they realized they were meant for each other and oh my god I feel like I should stop typing kay good night all I hope you sleep well I love you.


	3. castiel and the mean dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the most embarrassing thing i've ever had the fortune with sharing on the internet yet i'm too busy not being high to care bon appetit omlette du fromag

There once was a Prince named Dean Winchester. He was super hot hot hot and had lovely shamrock green eyes. They were totally goggle-worthy. Damn son. Anyway he was kidnapped by an eeeevil dragon named LUCIFERRR and the whole town screamed ohh NO PRINCE DEANN NOO OUR PRINCE and everyone was really fricking sad then BOOM out comes sir Castiel! “I WILL RESCUE PRINCE DEAN> I WANT TO BAKE PIES FOR HIM “ and everyone screamed for joy YAY GO SIR CASTIEL KICK SOME ASS” *cue Indiana jones music* off Castiel goes to go rescue his damsel in distress (dean) I WILL RESCUE THE HANDSOME PRINCE DEAN exclaimed Castiel 

Later into the journey Castiel came across a meaaaan troll who liked to eat a lot of sandwiches WHO GOES THERE exclaimed the troll HIYA said Castiel as he karate chopped the troll in the sternum then proceeded to walk over his limp body VALAR MORGULES exclaimed Castiel then BOOM out comes a scaryryyuy spider like the one in Lord of the Rings only SCARIER and the spider is purple Castiel’s LEAST FAVORITE COLOR oh no a scary purple spider my worst nightmare said castile then WAPAH out comes his sidekick BALTHAZAARRR he’s super scary and nothing like the Balthazar in that Shakespeare play lol but if the multiverse theorem is true then there exists a universe where the two Balthazar’s are actually a lot alike WHOA anyway balthazar does some super sick moves on the spider and it splits in half WHOAAAAAAAAAA hip hip horrray

Very soon Sir Castiel finds a very tall tower SIR CASTIEL IT IS I WHO HAS A QUIVERING NETHER REGIEON IN YOUR PRECENSE castile hears from above a LOL GOT KIK says castiel lol get it like that funny meme lol never mind get with the freaking program Nina

Castiel climbs the tower with his EXTRA STRONG MUSCLES and goes hiyah hitah up the very tall tower then BOOOM out pops DRAGON MAN LUCIFER hissss hissss 666 illuminatie heail me I WILL BURRNN YOU . then castiel goes STOP IN THE NAAAME OF LOVE BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART because Lucifer is his brother and he’s so sad that he turned bad and how the fuck does he have a dragon brother what simple biology then Lucifer gets all sad so he commits suicide and burns himself but castiel is like yay dean time and goes to rescue dean but not before they have sexy time and there’s a lot of oohs and ahs and sweat and oh father almightys and oh man its hot and erotic and DAMN just think of your favorite smutty fanfic scene that is what this scene is like anyway moving on BOOM cas and dean get married and have dragon babies because cas had some dragon gene and like da fuq and wait how did they have babies they have no birthing options oh yes um they stole babies from dragons why they didn’t just get human babies beats me the end

I just ate three quesadillas. Look at me now. Be true to yourself. I love you all. Peace be to all END SLAVERY NOW WTF THIS IS 2014 AND CAN YALL JUST ARREST DARREN WILSON FOR CHRISTS SAKE THIS ISN’T BRAIN SURGERY THEY TEACH THIS IN BIRD SCHOOL WHICH IS FOR BIRDS one time in the second grade I shit my pants in the middle of class better out than in I always say


	4. lol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some of my more darker work lol (stop saying lol nina) (no)

Once apon a time there was an evil prince named Dean. He was evil and would curse everything that came in his path even ladybugs which are completely innocent. What. Then he met the good prince named Castiel. Dean made it look like he hated him but secretely he loved his preppy boy charm. And Cas always loved a bad boy. So they ended up being secret lovers and when their secretaries weren’t looking they would make out in the bathroom. Lol. Any way one day Dean met his mother it was the EVIL QUEEN (what no way considering he was an evil prince) and his mother told him to murder Castiel and he was like lol momma ur shittin me right and went WAPAOW and knocked out his mom to save Cas from drowning in his flood of tears because he hasn’t seen Dean in like 5 and a half hours bt YAY dean comes to save the day and when he does they make out for a good twenty minutes then decide to go get some starbucks cause who doesn’t like some good starbucks and considering Cas almost died it’s pretty worth it. yeah. Then they got married. Had many babies. No idea how biology worked that out but it happened. If donkey could impregnate a dragon anything is possible. Okay time for bed good night love u. 

Oh and I vacuumed my room today. It's super clean. Guess who ate their whole can of pringles (me) (not meaning that I'm proud of it but I did it)  
Today's my birthday btw. I ended my birthday pringle-less. 

Stay golden. 

Love u. 

I wish you good health. 

<3


	5. what

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy turkey day

Hey so time for a new story

One time there was a boy named cas  
He was a student at harvard with a professor named dean winchester.  
He became cas's professor cuz he was a very smart harvard alumni and he got a master's degree. Whoa.

So cas got a D in his class ans cas is like dean u got a d and cas is like fuck damn professor dean what can i do so dean is like well come here lemme rattle ur bones

Wait wtf who says that

This is all I wrote before I fell asleep

Tune in next week.


	6. whoa mama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whoa

One time long long ago dean was very hungry so he decided to go get a burger at a nearby burger joint. The first person he notices in the whole place is the waiter castiel. His eyes are the bluest blue he had ever seen and he had totally rad and thought it was extremely sexy. Dean is so enraptured in the waiter he doesn’t even notice the other waiter there asking for his order LOLOLOLOL silly deanie. In a spur of the moment decision he jumps out of his seat and shouts YOU at Castiel who is like what the heck and Dean goes “YOU ARE SO SEXY GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME” and Cas is like hell yeah so they go on a date to Paris cuz Dean is like super rich and has a private jet and Cas is like hella rad so they go to the louvre and look at mona lisa then they go to the top of the Eiffel tower and Dean is like Cas I can’t go on anymore without you and he goes on one knee and is like “cas will you marry me” and Cas is like omg hell yeah and so they make out for a while and scare French people then they go get married go on a honeymoon in Hawaii kidnap a child and have a beautiful family. Until the kid’s parents find them and kill them and kidnap the child back. This is when the story gets super angsty. Because now cas and dean are in heaven while their stolen child who actually loves them tries to plot revenge on the killing of the people who kidnapped her and oh man. Whoa. In the end everyones dead. STAY TUNED FOR NEXT TIME. IN SUPERNATURAL: THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE 2.0


	7. Uhhhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this last night and as I read it this morning I realized how stupid and embarrassing this chapter is... I'm so sorry. But I did write it and haven't posted a new chapter in a while so enjoy <3

Heyyyy i'm back and you know what that means:

Time for a new chapter

This one is gonna be pretty morbid if I can remember because the last chapter ended with something about the apocolypse. So anyway.

The apocalypse came. Everyone was dead. But once the solar eclipse came people started rising from the dead. Zombies as some racist people might say. The proper acceptable name would be the "undead" but you know the US of A is full of bigots.

Anyway. All the characters come back to life. Who the fuck were the characters. I know destiel is involved so i'll start with that. Cas and dean come back like "in the flesh style" like they are quickly exposed to the zombie antidote and are treated to feel human like again. Halleluyah. 

So they run into each other not remembering each other (they actually fell in love as zombies) but when they rise they like who da fuk are you and they families like wtf u dont remember us k ur banished them they get off sent to a really tall skinny mountain they just found somewhere and they just sat and they luck decided to make a new city where everyone loved everyone. It was a really happy and caring community. Like there wae no hate and no bullying. It was a dream come true. And then that was when dean and cas decided to make love and get married have beautiful adopted babies because they werent immature and realized that two peepees= no babies and adopted twins but anyway they were a super happy and four person family that conpletely loved each other oh god iMm starting to sympathize...who wait shit who are the characters of this. Dean? SHIT. Ern. I only talk about destiel in this tag right? Well. Um . WHt tHE FUCK IS THIS CREDITS VIDEO. WHAT AM I WATCHING.

I started tokyo ghoul a few weeks back. Or more like a week ago. Anyway it's an amazing show. 11 stars. Holy shit please watch it you won't regret it. Changed my life in a great way and it's ongoing right now meaning a new episode comes everyweek. Kinda stressful in a more exciting way. Having something to look forward every week. Hehe. Haha. Hihi. Hoho. What the fuck am i watching some earth defense club LOVE. What is this. TOO MUCH LOVE OH MY GOD WHAT IS LOVE. Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more.

Mary those two characters are in the hot tub together again. That can't be heterosexual can it????? Or are girls doing that as well?!! WHAT??! HEAT WHAT THE FUCK WHT DO I DO 

HOW ABOut i just watch tokyo ghoul for now hey who wants to hear a joke??!

Why was Oedipus against swearing?

...  
...  
...  
...  
...  
...  
...

Because he kisses his mother with that mouth. 

 

Ba dum tsssssssssssssss

 

Idk if any one is out there but i just want you to know that

 

i love you so much and care about you dearly

 

I am here for you always and forever no matter what.

Never forget it.

Anyway what was i talking about earlier. What the fuck. What's happening. I'm sorry i'm being decieving my lying editing self changed a spelling in the first sentence i'm so sorry i put early instead of earlier i'm so sorry i'm such a liar.

Anyway who want a joke  
...  
Lol just kidding yall don't wanna hear our lame jokes. 

What the fuck is happening in this love show. What rhe fuck. What the fuxk. I cant text with two eyes open so i had to close one eye for a half hour. Lemme see if taking off my glasses helps. 

Oh shit that helped a lot. My roommate is asleep SHIT have i been saying this stuff out loud???!!!! I havent seen a girl in this show yet. Why is this show so sexist. I'm sorry if any of yall like this show and i'm offending you because i don't mean to i actually completely respect and accept your liking to this show and totally understand. You are not alone at all. Anyway back to the destiel i guess muahahaha or should i move on?? Tokyo ghoul/ destiel mashup + the earth love defense club AU hahahahha holly shit ok i promjse to my self right now that future me when i'm high will make that fanfiction i promise on my life. Ok maybe the promise is super exessive but i will seriously try as much aw i can because i love you. Ok destiel

Why isn't destiel real yet. There's been over 200 episodes and it's the 21st century???? What's stopping them..:......they're fucking meant for each other?????????????

Anyway fuck u show imma rewrite some shit. 

So rn in current day cas was in charge of hiding the blade by dean and dean still has the mark of cain. 

They both like fuck it and run away really frustrating the writers and the costume makers but they both just really wanted to touch each other before they infect their bodies by causing the dead skin of another and causing horrible pain to others. What the fuck. Wait did i writing "causing dead skin" wtf does that mean. Who would do that. You know who. Horrible people. 

 

why is a duck on the screen now. Is it a sign for me to quack and go to sleep. How many decibels does the quack have to be?

Is anyone here good at material science because i have a midtem in less than a week and i'm seriously struggling oh lord its gonna be a fun few days. 

I'm so bad at fanfic continuity i am so so so so so sorry i understand if any you hate me i would too but just know i love everyone. It's nearly impossible for me too hate anyone. Everyone deserves love. Always. 

Now i'm discontinuing my fanfic with another disconiuity nina holy fuck get your shit together

THIS LOVE EARTH CLUB MUSIC IS FUCKING ME UP. TOO LOVEy DOVEY TOO MUCH I THINK MY HEART MIGHT EXPLIRE OH GOD THOSE KIDS ARE TOO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER WAIT what THA FUCK THEY WAY TOO CLOSE SHIT FUCK STOP. Whats up aigh all the different hairstyles

THE THEME SONG FOR A FIFTH TIME?????????

Wait fuck how long have i been typing this. Shit. I love all you but time for bed flameo hotman


	8. dentists in the zombie apocalypse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> swagggaaaaasdfghjkl;

HEYYY GUESS WHO’S BACK! It’s me. Nina. Hey there. 

It’s been a while. What the heck. That’s pretty unswaggy of me. 

Unswaggy (adj.) : not swaggy whatsoever; syn: lameo, pretty pathetic

Alright so onto the story now amiright?!

I don’t even remember what the story is about. Wait. What do I do. 

Do I just make up a new story? Wasn’t it at some point about the apocalypse?

I know. This story is going to be about dentists in the post zombie apocalyptic era. Enjoy. 

So the zombie apocalypse happened right and there were zombies everywhere but like some of them started to get better for some reason and it turned out that their zombieness was actually mainly caused by a lack in vitamin d so some zombies actually got some UV’s and sun and what not and started to get better. Crazy I know. Please get your daily amount of Vitamin D people. It’s pretty good for you. 

So Dean and Cas lost their memory through the zombie apocalypse and after everything was over they both coincidentally decided to become zombie dentists. They fixed all the zombies teeth in case that wasn’t obvious enough. Sorry that was harsh. I’m really sorry. 

So Dean and Cas ended up becoming rival dentists. They competed in how many pairs of zombie teeth they could clean. They weren’t friends obviously. They “harshed each other’s flow” some might say. But one day there ended up becoming a nationwide competition. “Which city can clean the most zombie teeth” it was called. Dean and Cas both OMG’d then later realized that it meant they would have to work together if they both wanted to win the competition. There wasn’t even a prize for this competition they both just loved winning that much. It wasn’t a very healthy attitude. 

They ended up joining dentistry’s and ended up becoming good pals and making love on the sidelines but we’ll talk about that in a later paragraph. After some conversations they realized that the both of them were more similar than they actually realized. Like extremely 100% compatible they were like omg they even took one of those computer random compatibility calculators and it even came up with 100% like whooooooa. Say what now. Then Dean invited Cas over for dinner. He made him a sandwich it was super cute. He even remembered to put mayo on it. Aw.

Then BAM all of a sudden the second apocalypse. Everyone who had bad teeth turned back into a zombie. The only way to turn the zombies back into humans was to clean their teeth. So obviously Cas and Dean teamed up again and made a super awesome hunting/teeth-cleaning duo and they would tackle zombies and try to clean their teeth and it was super badass. They were called the zombiebusters lol get it. And they fell in love. 

Wait I said they have sex at some point huh. Well they do. Hope you’re happy. It’s so beautiful that it makes the angels up in heaven cry. It’s really that beautiful. But by fighting decaying teeth Dean forgets to brush his teeth often. And his teeth end up being bad without him realizing and he turns into a zombie. And he’s about to kill Cas but his love for him helps him to get out of the zombie state long enough for Cas to spray him with mouthwash and he turns human once again. Then Cas and Dean run off to Cabo and start a drug cartel. 

The end. 

That’s it I’m sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: I'm pretty sure I decided to end the chapter so abruptly because I wanted Pringles and went to knock on my dorm neighbor's door to ask if they had Pringles. The fact that I don't remember actually getting Pringles worries me because I woke up with a can of Pringles on my desk. No idea where they came from but I'm still eating them. 
> 
> Anyway, happy Thursday everyone.


End file.
